okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
