just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
