if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
