If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
