I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
