i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
