Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
