Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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