take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
