you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
