Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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