You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
