Im at strip club and am horny
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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