that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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