So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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