i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize