so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
