Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
