I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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