I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
