Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
