May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
