it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
