alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
