Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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