STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
