You just made me feel so damn special
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
