Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
