So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
