Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
