I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
