It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
