Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
