WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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