walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The air was thick with penises
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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