This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
