question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
did you just send me my own nude
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize