I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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