my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize