did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
