Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
