What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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