he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
