thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My ATM looks so different sober.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
