You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
