What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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