She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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