I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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