Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
