I'm going to jail i love you
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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