You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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