upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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