What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
