oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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