RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
