I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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