Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize