I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
