i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
