Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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