you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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