Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
