im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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