I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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