the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
