and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
