So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize