bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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