Your face is a jimmy john
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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