you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
